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12 Ways To Win At Online Dating - What Dating Sites Don't Tell You

12 Ways To Win At Online Dating - What Dating Sites Don't Tell You

Whether you’re just getting acquainted to the world of online dating, or you’re a seasoned pro, step up your dating game by taking note of the following 12 exclusive tips revealed by top dating experts. You’re not likely to hear these anywhere else!

TIP #1: Ignore Your Inbox - Be Proactive Not Reactive

So many men just spam every good looking woman on dating sites without reading their profiles to see if there’s a likely match. The consequence of answering most of these emails is that there’s rarely a response in return. Women do so much better by choosing all of their dates rather than waiting to get picked. They can zero in on exactly the guy they’re looking for without wasting valuable time filtering the emails in their inboxes.

Ken Solin, Date Coach, Writer & Author

TIP #2: Your Profile - Show, Don’t Tell

Use words that are inviting. Rather than describe what you like as if you are writing a list - take the person through the activity with you as if you are writing a scene in a play or book. If possible, include words that evoke all five scenes so they can imagine being there with you.

This is telling: “I like picnics, drinking wine and talking.”

This is showing: “I'd love picnics on a warm summer days. We could spread goat cheese on crackers, and share wine and conversation while listening to our favorite music.”

Cheryl Lazarus, CRC, CDC, Founder of Zengalove

TIP #3: Taking Care of Yourself Shows

Staying fit and physically and socially active increases your odds of finding someone to date, and also increases your libido and your chances of successful sex. But, beware of too much focus on the surface, and not enough content. Such relationships quickly become empty and stressful.

Tina B. Tessina, PhD, (aka Dr. Romance) Psychotherapist & Author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together

TIP #4: Message Length Matters

Internal data from online dating companies has been published showing that message length is important. Too brief (hey you, gorgeous!) does not get responses and too-long messages violates social norms (creepy or obsessive). For a first message, try to stick around 3-5 (complete, edited for grammar) sentences.

Nicole Praus, Ph.D., Statistician & Licensed Psychologist

TIP #5: Staying Ahead of Your Game Wins

Make sure that you’re in the right mindset BEFORE you start online dating. I cannot stress the importance of this. So many people sign up when they’re not ready. Particularly in midlife. We need to have dealt with all the fallout from past relationships in order to begin online dating and looking for a new partner with a clean slate. You really don’t want to be taking baggage into a new relationship. The way I work with clients is to get them to look at their values, those things that are really important to them before we get to work writing their dating profile.

Rebecca Perkins, Mid-life Coach, Author & Co-Founder of Irresistible Dating

TIP #6: Remember That Online Dating Can Be Unsafe

Remember that the world of online dating can be an unsafe place for women. Agreeing to meet strangers is a calculated risk so don't be offended if she won't give you her number straight away (or call yours), or if she wants to spend some time talking to get a feel for you before agreeing to meet. A man who understands the reality of women is a particularly attractive prospect.

Kerrin Bradfield, Sexuality & Media Specialist

TIP #7: Understand That Elimination is Progress

Understand that when men eliminate candidates one of the reasons could be that they were not able to easily manipulate you. Elimination is progress.

Alisha Carrasco, Therapeutic Rage

TIP #8: Honesty, Authenticity & Positivity Wins The Race

From a social skills perspective, it is useful to remember that science shows people are profiling their ideal selves online. This does not mean lying, as authenticity is important too. However, the profile is not the time to disclose something about yourself that people might perceive as negative without a proper context, because other daters are not doing that. For example, if 9 hours of sleep per night is really important to you, such a disclosure could come across as demanding or inflexible written into a dating profile. Focus on presenting an honest and authentic, but primarily positive, version of yourself online.

Nicole Praus, Ph.D., Statistician & Licensed Psychologist

TIP #9: A Thick Skin Will Be Needed

Prepare yourself mentally for online dating. Adjust your expectations and get a thick skin. Dating online is a fantasy world. You can be anybody that you want to be in this world. Believe nothing until you see an action that proves that a person is a certain way for a consistent period of time (Most people won't be consistent for 2 months).

Alisha Carrasco, Therapeutic Rage

TIP #10: Stay Active to Trick The Algorithms

Take pictures for your profile - a lot of them. Different poses, different backgrounds, (and if possible) different outfits. Then create a folder on your desktop where you'll keep all of your profile pictures. Now add to this folder pictures you already have of yourself doing things you enjoy. On vacation, participating at a sport, with your pet, with your children and/or grandchildren, etc. When you set up your profile use a variety of these pictures up to 10. Then each week add a new picture. Each time you add a picture your profile will need to go back through the review process (this process ensures inappropriate pictures won't be put up on someone's profile) and this review process puts you back with all the 'new profiles’. I've found when my clients do this, the number of people writing to them goes up.

Christine Baumgartner, Dating & Relationship Coach

TIP #11: Do Check Out Your Competition

If it's possible to see your competition on the dating site, take a look and make the proper adjustments to photos and appearance to maximize your potential.

Alisha Carrasco, Therapeutic Rage

TIP #12: Look For Someone Nice

Many women today are so distracted by new online strategies that they don't emphasize the most important factor to success with any kind of dating: look for the nice men. Whether you want a future husband, a boyfriend, or a casual hookup, you can't go wrong with a nice guy. With so much pressure on women to be sexy and sexual these days, we've forgotten the most important ingredient in a satisfying relationship is your choice of partner. Focus on quality - you deserve a nice man and a 5 star romance.

Dr. Susan Edelman, Board-certified Psychiatrist & Author of the multi award-winning book, Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women

Hi, I’m Lucy. I am a freelance writer, blogger and mum of two. I like wine, soya lattes and spending far too much money on my kids. My writing is...Read More

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