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Venessa Perry - Relationship Coach

Venessa M Perry is an entrepreneur, coach and writer. She helps people and organizations navigate the complex world of life and to build healthy relationships. A frequent contributor at Huffington Post, For Harriet, BLC, Slantnews and Yes We Rise. As well as a contributing author in the book, The War On Poverty: A Retrospective and author of the forthcoming book, Steadfast Love.

  1. Welcome to Older Dating õ 
  2. Venessa Perry

Interview: Expert Thoughts on Over 40s Dating

What are the differences between under 40s online dating and over 40s online dating?

Typically those over 40 use online dating as a way to find a person looking for a long-term relationship or marriage. They are usually people that arent interesting in going out to bars or clubs to meet a quality individual. They tend to be busy and dont have time to waste time on random people whom they may not have anything in common with. Online dating is a screening mechanism to weed out the serious from those who just want to play. Those under 40 are usually looking to date a lot, to hook up or have sex. They tend to focus solely on the physical attractiveness of the person and seldom read the actual profile. Although this applies to more men than women. Many of the under 40 women are looking to be in a relationship.

How long do you think it typically takes singles over 40 to find a relationship using online dating, and why?

On average it takes 3-6 months of online dating for a person over 40 to find a relationship. This also depends on the site and how committed they are to the process.

Do you think there are different success rates for men and women over 40s when online dating? If yes, why?

Yes, Men tend to be more successful because they will date women of varying ages; They'll date women 10-15 years younger and their age or older. They have the option of dating casually or to be in a relationship. The more attractive the women is, the more likely the man is going to be interested in her because men are visual. For women, its quite different because if they're looking to be in a relationship they have to invest more time in getting to know the person. Women also tend to date more men their own age or slightly older.

What's your no.1 tip for singles over 40 starting online dating?

Relax and Enjoy the process. It may take a little while to meet the right person so patience is important.

What is the number one mistake people over 40 make when online dating, and why?

They expect to meet their mate overnight. They don't understand that online dating is a numbers game. The more they connect with people and go on dates, the greater the likelihood that they'll find a mate.

What's THE best question for singles over 40 to ask someone when messaging them for the first time online?

What makes you laugh?

What is your most favourite over 40 online dating success story?

I know a women who met her second husband online at 41 and after trying to conceive for many years they have a set of triplets that are almost 1 years old. She's 47 and her husband is 43.

Dating Tips by Venessa Perry:

Itís All About Volume

The more people you match with, the more you will communicate with and the more you will ultimately go on a date with. This increases the likelihood that you will meet someone that you will connect with in a meaningful way. Thereís only a 2% chance that youíll actually meet the person for you. So keep your numbers high.

Donít Overanalyse

Try not to read too much into everything that is said. So if a person asks you what you do for a living, or where you live? Donít think theyíre trying to figure out if you have money or if they can move in. This is called getting to know you. Now, granted you should be careful in revealing too much information, but thatís just common sense.

Consider Your Appearance And Attitude

First impressions are lasting. Take some time to consider your appearance and attitude particularly on a first date. Thereís no need to wear a suit or stilettos if youíre going hiking but dress to impress and make sure you show your best self.

Move On

If youíre not into him or her, move on. Donít waste your time or theirs. If he doesnít work for you, tell them and keep moving. Donít spend time and energy in situations that donít serve you well. Theyíll appreciate and respect you more if you tell them you donít see the relationship working out between the two of you. Make sure you communicate this without getting into a long conversation and please, donít ghost on the person. Be mature about the situation.

Keep Trying

Nothing beats a failure but a try. If a date doesnít work out, go out with someone else. Just because a few dates or even a relationship doesnít work out, doesnít mean that thereís not someone out there for you.

Stop Playing It Cool

If you like them, let them know. If you want to call them and talk for hours, then do it. Donít succumb to societal pressures that say, donít text them until they text you, or donít call them because theyíll think youíre really into them. These things only feed into the anxiety around dating. Playing it cool may have you miss out on a great potential mate.