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12 ways to Rewire Your Brain for Better Relationships

12 ways to Rewire Your Brain for Better Relationships

There are many people who identify with being in unfulfilling relationships, often over and over again. Relationships in the 21st century are under increasing strain, with an estimated 1 in 3 marriages today ending in divorce. Being in a healthy, fulfilling relationship is not easy. More and more people express concern about their significant relationships, whether this is with families, friends or their intimate partners.

If you have experienced a relationship breakdown and are now looking to repartner here are some things to remember:


Slow down, don’t try to fast track the relationship. The fast pace at which we all live can often mean we don’t take the time to meaningfully connect with the people we are dating which is critically important when entering into a new relationship. Slow down, don’t rush - make this a priority.

Learn the five love language

We all speak different love languages but Gary Chapman written extensively about the five ways we all express our love to one another. Find out your own love language and that of the person you are dating. Then make a real effort to speak the language they crave. This allows both of you to feel loved and connected and more willing to move toward each other.

Have fun and be more playful

Joy is often the first casualty in a busy, stressful life. It is important to resolve to have fun and enjoy your relationship. Plan activities that are fun and a bit outside of your comfort zone. Making time to be playful can be a real boost to your relationship and research shows that we are more attractive when we are happy.

Be affectionate

All human beings need to be touched. However we all have different levels of affection that we are comfortable with. Public displays of affection can include hand holding or touching your partners back or shoulder. Letting them know that you are there for them. Of course as the relationship progresses more intimate moments will happen.

Work out what your core values are and take action every day to move you toward them

This is about prioritising you. It is important to love and accept who you are. After all, if you don’t love and know yourself, how can you expect a new partner to? Take time to think about what you really value in your life. What is most important to you? Then take one action every day that aligns with that value.

Work on self-care, self-acceptance and self-compassion

All successful relationships start with how you treat yourself. Ask yourself whether you accept yourself as you are. Do you have compassion for yourself? Do you spend time caring for yourself? If you find that you are not being kind to yourself put a plan in place to do just one small thing each day to take better care of your own needs.

Practice gratitude

A person who makes a conscious effort to practice gratitude is immeasurably happier than one who does not. Gratitude is a decision, as is Joy. Choose to be grateful. Make a concerted effort to mentally list just 3 things you are grateful for every morning, and again every evening. The discipline of deliberately practicing gratitude, of taking a few minutes to really think about the things you are grateful for, will improve all aspects of your life, including your relationships.

Debbi Carberry is a Relationship Coach and Clinical Social Worker in private practice in Brisbane, Australia where she specialised in relationships...Read More

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