Experts Discuss Over 50s Dating
Online dating for over 50s is a booming trend amongst mature daters. Mature singles are moving on from faddy dating apps in favour of traditional online dating sites that offer safe and secure environments to seek and find friendship and relationships with people they can trust. We asked dating and relationship experts to wade in on the subject of mature dating, sharing their very best dating advice for those who want to explore the world of over 50s online dating.
How long do you think it typically takes singles over 50 to find a relationship using senior online dating, and why?
Dallisa, Date Coaching and Online Dating Profile Editing:Love and dating doesn't have a "one size fits all" or universal answer. We have found that clients with open hearts and minds, making love a top priority in their life, have higher rates of success.
Mary Jo Fay, The Voice of Dating, Mating, and Relating - speaker, coach, and award-winning author:The answer to this question is so variable and dependent on so many things. Do you want to casually date, have a long term healthy relationship, or are you just looking for a Friend with Benefits? The rare match can take place right away but I think for most folks, taking their time to find a truly healthy relationship could take several months or more. And even if you find someone quickly, it should take many months to decide if it's relationship material or simply someone to hang out with.
David Bennett, Author, Speaker, and Dating Coach:It depends on the person really. Just as is the case with people of all ages, some seniors are more attractive than others, both physically and in their personalities. Those who take care of themselves, develop their personalities, and continue to have personal achievements will find a relationships more quickly than those who don't.
Do you think there are different success rates for men and women over 50 when senior online dating?
Mary Jo Fay, The Voice of Dating, Mating, and Relating - speaker, coach, and award-winning author:Unfortunately yes. I have found so many over 50 men who won't even look at profiles of women over 45, thinking they are over the hill or something. I think there are a lot of myths out there about women over 45 that can cause men to avoid them all together... things like how menopausal women don't want sex anymore. (NOT true.) How women over 45 aren't fit enough or beautiful enough. (Also not necessarily true.) The sad thing is that those men are missing a ton of potential dates with this attitude. So guys - open your minds and see who you might be missing! And surprise, surprise - many women over 50 want sex more than ever!
Chad Stone, Author and Speaker:Women and men can both find love after 50. Love is an equal opportunity adventure.
Milan Botica, Soulmate Attraction Coach for Women:- Yes, women will have to filter out much more noise (generally speaking) from all the men who approach the matter as if it were a game of mathematical statistics rather than thoughtful matching and blending of connection, compatibility, chemistry and effective communication. As Billy Crystal says….Women need a reason to have sex…Men just need a place ? - Women would have higher rates of being “hit” on and having to filter out all the “noise”. Though, in the 50+ crowd, compatibility will most probably play a bigger role as will effective communication. - Also, women will have more comprehensive criteria where the men might only have a handful of items that are of paramount consideration. - Women would have the easier time dating. - Men would have an easier time finding a highly compatible woman partner once they are able to have enough dates with the right lady candidates
Justin Lavelle, Communications Director of Been Verified & People Looker:Older adults are the fastest growing segment of online-dating services and overall have a high success rate. For those over 50, there’s a lot less pressure than someone in their 20’s or 30’s who’s looking for a serious relationship, marriage and a family. Seniors are past the point of starting a family and aren’t always looking for marriage when online dating. Many times it’s companionship after a divorce or death of a spouse. They are not always looking for “the one” and sometimes are open to a few different people to spend time with. There seems to be less pressure and stress which makes success more probable.
What's your no.1 tip for singles over 50 starting senior online dating?
Rick Soetebier, Author, Speaker, Blogger and Dating Coach:Be crystal clear about what you want in your next relationship and create a high quality profile that reflects that clarity. Your profile should reflect the same quality as a work resume'. Remember, you are seeking a lifetime relationship, not a short-term partner.
Monique Honaman, Author, Speaker, Relationship Coach:Just do it! It can be daunting, but can also be incredibly rewarding! It's worth the investment of your time and energy! Stay positive and have fun with it.
Radio Wright, Online Dating Specialist:As we get older we can become stuck in our ways and seem harsh about it. My advice would be to be more open-minded and welcoming in your approach to dating.
What is the number one mistake people over 50 make when senior online dating?
Dallisa, Date Coaching and Online Dating Profile Editing:They don't take the time to write a meaningful bio about themselves. They include generic information and they don't provide any interesting facts that could appeal to the person they are seeking.
Rick Soetebier, Author, Speaker, Blogger and Dating Coach:The number one mistake 95% of people make is looking for a relationship without knowing what they want in a relationship. I have talked to hundreds of people and countless numbers have been in relationships for 6 months, 1, 2, 5 years before realizing that the relationship was lacking much of what they are looking for. By knowing what you are looking before you enter a relationship, you can minimize most of the wasted time in poor relationships.
Anita Martin, Founder of Love Magazine:Moving too fast. There is no rush, so take your time and learn the ins and outs of senior online dating. Know your personal limits regarding sharing of personal information, learn to recognize inconsistencies, and always protect yourself. Oh and have fun!
What's the best question for senior singles over 50 to ask someone when messaging them for the first time online?
Dallisa, Date Coaching and Online Dating Profile Editing:They should look for something written in the profile of the person they are messaging and mention that detail within the note. They could ask them for more information on what they have written (example: if the person mentions that they like football, they could ask who their favorite team is).
Mary Jo Fay, The Voice of Dating, Mating, and Relating - speaker, coach, and award-winning author:I think a fun way to stand out from the crowd of online daters is to ask something other than the usual "What do you do for a living?" Or "What are you looking for in a relationship?" Instead, I like to ask them, "What are you passionate about?" This accomplishes a couple of things. First of all it can break that usual awkward silence while you debate on what to ask or say, as it circumvents all the small talk and invites the person to talk about their favorite thing right out of the gate. This generally endears you to that person somewhat, as you're showing them you care about them in a way that makes them feel comfortable to be themselves. Secondly, if they spend ten minutes carrying on and on about how they play golf every weekend and you hate golf, you just got some valuable info that may save you substantial time on your search.
Dee Wagner, Psychotherapist/Dance therapist & Author:Online dating is a great way to meet people we would not have met otherwise. Any question that helps us get to know each other is a great question. The trick is to pay attention to hopes that a question or series of questions will give us more control than is possible. Relationships are a journey.
• We can pay attention to the balance of self and other.
• We can know when we are done relating with any person and respectfully say so.
• We can express a desire to continue relating when we wish for that.
Other than those few things, we don't have many keys to drive the online dating process in the direction we want things to go. So, how do we tolerate this uncontrollable process?
• We accept the things that are beyond our control.
• We use online dating for practicing healthy relating.
• We understand that there is an aspect of out-of-control that is sexy.
• We learn to stay safely playful, playing around with questions when we first-time message.
Anita Martin, Founder of Love Magazine:What is your most favourite travel destination and why?
What is your most favourite over 50 online dating success story?
Rick Soetebier, Author, Speaker, Blogger and Dating Coach:One of my early coaching clients was complaining that she couldn't find any good quality men. She continually was approached by former boyfriends through, phone calls, text messages and e-mails. No matter what she told them and no matter how sarcastic she was, they would keep coming back. I explained that each time she replied to them, she was opening the door to additional communication and pretty soon she was back in some form of unhealthy or toxic relationship. I suggested that she no longer communicate in any form to past to previous boyfriends. As long as she did, she would retain some emotional connection to each of them. She e-mailed me a couple of days later to let me know that she had deleted 24 phone numbers from her phone. Once she stopped letting these men back into her life, within one year she was able to find her extraordinary mate and is now engaged to be married.
Chad Stone, Author and Speaker:My own personal success story is my favourite! I met my wife, Krista, on an online dating site, and we had instant "chemistry." After just a few dates we both knew we had found someone really special.
Milan Botica, Soulmate Attraction Coach for Women:A single mum of two boys in her 50’s has had 2 marriages with two men end and still found true love with online dating. Went on a local and an international dating site and invested 6 months to see if she can find love again. She decided to get back in shape..so she joined a gym…started going out on “virtual on-line dates” and regular dates..though with two boys…..5 and 12….it was harder to get out of the house than to go on virtual dates via Skype. So after 3 months online, she met and virtually dated one man while going on “physical dates” with a second man she also met online.