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Cindi Sansone Braff - The Romance Whisperer, Relationship Coach and Psychic/Medium

Cindi Sansone-Braff, "The Romance Whisperer," talks to the dead to show you how to live well and love better. She is the author of "Grant Me a Higher Love" and "Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships." Free excerpts of these books are available on Amazon. WholeJoy.com in association with Amazon has cited "Grant Me a Higher Love" as one of the greatest texts on the law of love. She has been featured as a relationship expert in: the "Huffington Post," "MSN.com," "YourTango," "Bustle.Com," the "Inquisitir News," "Brides," " About.com Dating," and the "Deseret News." She is a Star Patcher for "East Hampton Patch" and a Featured Member of "Blogher." Call-in or listen every Thursday night, 7:00 pm EST, to her radio show, where you can get free psychic and relationship advice: www.blogtalkradio.com/higher-love. Be sure to check out her web site at: www.grantmeahigherlove.com. She was named Best Psychic five years in a row by the "Long Island Press," recommended by "Newsday" as one of the best psychic/mediums on Long Island, featured in the "Daily News" and Cablevision’s "Neighborhood Journal." Visit her Facebook Page: Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationship, which has 26,000 followers.

  1. Welcome to Older Dating › 
  2. Cindi Sansone Braff

Interview: Expert Thoughts on Over 40s Dating

What are the differences between under 40s online dating and over 40s online dating?

Dating over 40 isn't all that different from dating when you're younger; however, the main difference is that now you know yourself better, and you better know what you want and need in a relationship. Most people over the age of 40 have had all kinds of relationships: anything from brief affairs to long-term relationships, and even marriages. All these experiences have helped make you who you are today, and they have helped you know what you want and don't want in a potential partner. Use this knowledge to your advantage and take some time to write down your dating goals. Are you looking for casual hook-ups, a committed relationship, some fun and games, or marriage? Knowing yourself and your goals will keep you from wasting time chasing after people or dating people whose goals are different from yours. By now, you must have figured out that you can't change people, so seek to find someone who is right for you just as he or she is. For instance if a guy says he doesn't want to ever get married and marriage is your primary objective, believe him and don't try to convince yourself that you will change him. Use your age and your experience as a plus when you're out in the dating world.

How long do you think it typically takes singles over 40 to find a relationship using online dating, and why?

This really depends upon the person. Some people just don’t know what they want, and so they spend an awful lot of time just floundering around, trying to find their way. For example: if you’re not sure if you want commitment, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you’ll attract a lot of commitment-phobes, who will get close to you and then run away. These heartbreaking experiences will cause you to look inward and wonder why you keep picking people who can’t commit. Your own fear of commitment needs to be addressed and dealt with, and once you’ve come to terms with the fact that you really do want a committed relationship, you’ll find other like-minded people coming your way.

To speed up the process of finding “The One,” write down what your ideal Soul Mate would be like. Put it in positive terms. For instance: I want her to be kind, trustworthy, my best friend, or I want him to be hardworking, loyal, sober. This list will send a clear signal to the universe that you’re serious in your pursuit of a relationship, and in accordance with the Law of Attraction, you will manifest your ideal Soul Mate, sooner than later.

If you’re giving the universe a lot of mixed messages, such as: I want love, but I don’t want it to change anything, or I’m not sure if I want a relationship right now, then these kinds of conflicting emotions will slow the universe down in bringing you love. Therefore, be clear in your intentions, and you’ll find the love you want.

Love really does come to those who believe, so be a little patient, have fun on your journey toward true love, and keep the faith that a higher love, a Soul Mate, is in the cards for you.

Do you think there are different success rates for men and women over 40s when online dating? If yes, why?

I think that age has very little to do with a person having a positive experience with online dating.

How you present yourself has everything to do with online dating success. Picking an upbeat, positive screen name, whether you are a male or a female, definitely will up the odds of you getting lucky in love. No one wants to date someone with a moniker that sounds stupid, petty, angry, sleazy, or annoying; so don’t call yourself "Dumb Danny" or "Wicked Witch Wendy." If your profile is boring, wordy, pompous, arrogant, grammatically incorrect, or filled with way too much information, then it doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman, no one will respond. Take time to write a carefully thought out profile, and then recruit a trusted friend to proofread it. Try to make your profile conversational in style, throw in some humor, and spice it up with just enough details to make a potential mate want to meet you in person.

Keep in mind that online dating can be just as challenging for men as it is for women, and the best way to get some positive attention and responses to your profile is to allow the warm, funny, human side of you to jump up out of the pages. Pick a profile picture of you that shows the real you, of course, the best real you that you can be, and put some real effort into creating a profile that sparkles, sizzles, and intrigues.

What's your no.1 tip for singles over 40 starting online dating?

Stop saying, all the good ones are already taken. When you say negative statements, the universe always responds in a negative way. The universe always assumes that what you’re saying is truth or why would you say it? Instead of saying all the good ones are taken, try practicing the Law of Attraction and say, “There is one good person out there looking for me right now, and I am destined to find “The One.”

The truth is that there is no shortage of eligible, good, kind, decent human beings out there.

While you’re waiting for Ms. or Mr. Right to show up, try working on your own issues and doing your part to become a more loving, fun, and loyal person.

What is the number one mistake people over 40 make when online dating, and why?

The number one mistake people over 40 make is continuing to go after their “so-called type.” Ask yourself, “How has going after my type worked so far?” If the answer is not so good, then start thinking outside the box. Try answering the profile of a person who isn’t your type per se, but who actually seems like an interesting, kind, fun, successful human being.

By the time you’ve reached the age of 40 and beyond, you really should have learned that it’s not what’s outside that counts, but what’s inside that counts; so stop judging people by their looks alone. Stop worrying if he’s cute, or how tall or short he is, or whether she has blonde hair and long legs, and start looking for a mate with substance, style, and a whole lot of soul.

As an experiment, try answering the profiles of three or four people that are not at all your usual type and see how that goes. You might be pleasantly surprised!

And, by all means, stop saying he or she isn’t your type before you’ve even given the person the chance to prove otherwise.

You might just find out that when you let go of “Your Type,” you actually let love in.

What's THE best question for singles over 40 to ask someone when messaging them for the first time online?

You sound great; so when, where, and how can we meet?